You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. 3. 8. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Many golfing terms sound naughty. He said. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Keep your head down. You hit down to make the ball go up. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. 2. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. If we . Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! 1. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Its just really hard to play. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. At the golf corpse! You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Andy who? It can be rewarding. -Happy Gilmore. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Any birdie will do. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? Such is the game. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. If you break 80, watch your business. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? - Bobby Jones Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. I am a Musician. course sometime. I'll let you beat me. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Golf is more complicated than that. Wodehouse, 31. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. I know what to look for. If you drink, dont drive. And it's damn funny. I give him the driver. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Putter Around. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. I'm Tiger Woods. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Their fore-fathers! Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Spread your legs a little more. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. All the fans are gone! See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Golfing? If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Required fields are marked *. 19. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. The lowest score wins. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. 3. The end. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. What is a golfers favorite bird? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! All of them. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Boo. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. They expect to succeed! They have a hard drive. And there are windmills. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. One minute youre bleeding. Noah who? You shot an eight. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Knock, knock David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Achieve more with each and every round you play. What do golf and sex share in common? Sawdust City LLC. clubs. Check it out now! I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. 20. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. I was actually enjoying it. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. They like cricket better. Lee Trevino. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Sir W.G. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Please add a link to this article. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. ~ George Bernard Shaw. In case he gets a hole in one. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. About 160 yards was his reply. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Just in case they get a slice! Dirt your body. 9. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. 1. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Whos there? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Please sign up with your best email address. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. 3. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. In case he gets a hole in one. Are you into kinky stuff? How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. The guys who come Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Try choking donw on the shaft. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. How do you know you should be a golfer? Golf is a lot like life. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Nothing it should have ducked. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Bye Bye Birdie. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. 3. It can be difficult. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Choose "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." You okay with that? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. 7. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. -Bob Hope All lip, no hole. Because they might get a slice. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. ~ Victor Hugo. Nothing. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. 2. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. How many strokes was that? So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Whos there? Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Basketball is a sport for black men. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. I . The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Drops him off at the golf course! "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I like big putts and I cannot lie. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Golf?! Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. Jack Benny. The fourth putt! Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Eight. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. P.G. 5. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. He was perfecting his swing. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Clubbing. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. It was glorious when you did! He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. See you in the Email! "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". I like big putts and I cannot lie. Your email address will not be published. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Twelfth son of the Lama. no! When your golf cart capsizes. Intercourse! The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Very interesting. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. I like to go low. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Damn, girl. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Find the ball. Hi there! The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Please add a link to this site. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Lee Trevino, 59. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". I've got some good news. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Just tap it in. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. So, I'm on the first tee with him. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Dont even putt. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. The threesome were curious what was going on. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Whos there? Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. I give the ball some sweet talk. -Lee Trevino
Mark Phillips Rdcworld,
Celebrities That Went To University Of Michigan,
Glen Jakovich Daughter,
Soaking Feet In Coke And Lemon For Weight Loss,
Articles D
